It took me decades to finally accept who I am. I was born with a dark Puertorican-Filipino decent. So growing up I looked black (Afro-American). There were countless incidents of discrimination, from making fun of my unfamiliar physical features. My skin was dark. I have tight curly hair. But my "uniqueness" wasn't just because I looked different. My upbringing was a major contributor to why I was apart from everyone else.
My dad is Puertorican and Filipino, but he was born and raised in the Philippines. Back in the day, he worked for the US bases in Clark as a civilian employee. Way before I was born, he already adopted the positives of the different cultures he has come in contact with. His philosophy is to "take the positives and drop the negatives". So he raised me in an unconventional way, contradictory to the "traditional" way of raising kids in my generation. I was not allowed to watch ANY kind of Filipino TV show at all except "John and Marsha". His argument was; "Filipino TV and movies were predictable and no morals to learn from". So I wasn't only different because of the way I looked, I was different in values, too.
The dilemma was, I couldn't relate to any of the kids my age at first, because I was in the public school system. The only consolation is, I excelled in academics, sports and the arts. It's like a "stereotype" if you think about it. I was an excellent dancer, I was switching from alto to soprano in my school choir, and the best sprinter in my time. People didn't expect me to be smart too. Competing in academic quiz bees everywhere is also an honor I brought to my school and parents. It was hard to "blend in" so-to-speak.
I've had a breath of fresh air when I transfered to the high school inside the US bases. I thought to myself; "wow, finally no one is gonna make fun of me, because I look like most of these kids!" But to my surprise! It was still the same! To these kids I was still different. I was " the Filipino kid". I mean "what the hell?", I am back where I started. I need to blend in again?
Growing up mixed was really a double-edged sword. It was a positive and a negative. Of course most people were at the peak of awkward in high school. In college, I guess I was in a phase were I decided to be "me". So I let my hair down. Curls and all! People thought I went to I.S because I had an American Accent. (Thanks to my Dad's mandate to watch only English shows).
When I first joined the workforce. My ability to converse in English fluently (sounding like an American) was an advantage. Making me a commodity of demand in any industry, most especially when the call centers came into the scene.
My resume maybe considered "impressive" considering the opportunities that were opened to me because of how I was brought up. Because I was myself.
I would like to thank my father, Antonio B. Gines for being the father that he is, and my mom, Mercelita Gines, who balanced things out. And the rest of my very diverse family. If not for them, I wouldn't be who I am today.
So "I'ma be me", I do me very well, I am comfortable being "me", I am at peace.
Pretending to be someone else, or emanating someone else's essence, identity or lifestyle will not give you peace. Be proud of your heritage, your family and your accomplishments. They summarize your whole existence. Be unique, be you. You will thank me for it. =)
